Facebook, Facebook
On my screen,
Who gets the burger joint,
Lean and mean?
That’s the question everyone is asking, now that In-N-Out has announced its plans to open up a franchise here in Santa Cruz County. Mickey D’s, beware. Burger King: abdicate. There’s gonna be a new kid on the block. The only question remaining is where that block will be. Santa Cruz is the obvious first place contender, but if childhood obesity rates are any indication, Watsonville is giving SC a run (OK, when you are obese that run becomes a leisurely stroll with frequent stops to catch your breath) for the money.
If there is one place to settle this spat without resorting to burning up calories, that would be Facebook. Indeed, the rival cities are waging war on that site, with the Santa Cruz team having 7,000 friends and the Watsonville team having 869.
What’s the appeal of In-N-Out? It could be the burgers, or even the secret menu, which only appears on the chain’s website. Who knew you could order a veggie burger there? Wikipedia claims that the veggie burger isn’t a real veggie patty, but that’s okay. Another secret menu item, the animal-style burger, differs from the regular burger because it has grilled onions. Animal-style fries have grilled onions and cheese.
Another main attraction is the way that biblical verses are printed on all of the franchise’s paper products. This has great appeal to radical atheists, who enjoy tossing a little bit of the Bible into the trash every time they eat there.
Also popular at In-N-Out are the 3×3 and 4×4—three hamburgers and three slices of cheese or four hamburgers and four slices of cheese. In fact, at one point, people could order as many patties and cheese slices as they wanted in a single bun. It was only greed that put an end to this. One many order a 100×100 (100 patties and 100 slices of cheese in a single bun, with spread and lettuce—no word on the onions). In-N-Out decided to cut back to a max of 20×20, and later to just 4x4s (though rumors have it that some franchises still go up to twenty). It is unknown what the paper wrapping for it says, but I would suggest that an apt quote would be from the Book of Proverbs: “Be not among winebibers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags” (Proverbs 23: 20-21).
Coming soon to a town near us.
Read more at KSBW.
